When Your Dream Feels Too Big
“Are you a writer?”
The man sitting opposite to me asked, in a signature Italian accent.
I looked up from my notebook, paused for a moment, and said: “Yes.”
It was Spring 2012, I was on a train from Florence to Milan. I had a short break during my internship in Poland and decided to travel through Italy.
Walking the streets of Florence was like stepping into a dream. I was writing down my thoughts when my fellow passenger asked the question.
I’d always wanted to become a writer. But this dream felt both too grand and silly.
What made me say yes was the novelty of the trip. However, deep down, I was convinced that it’d never happen. Not in this life anyway…
Tell me your dream. The one that feels “too big”. The one that tugs at your deepest heart. The one you barely dare to whisper, but if it comes true, will change everything.
Fast forward to today, I’m working on my second book. My first book, published in 2017, made Amazon's Best New Release. I’ve written on my blog for 7 years, reaching tens of thousands of readers all over the world.
Becoming a professional coach and international speaker are two other “too big” dreams that came true.
I’ve learned many things along the way. And I want to pass them on to you.
Tell me your dream. The one that feels “too big”. The one that tugs at your deepest heart. The one you barely dare to whisper, but if it comes true, will change everything.
take these 4 steps to start making it come true:
Step 1: Own your dream
In my coaching work, I’ve very often seen clients reluctant to speak about their dreams. Many take the easy way out, saying “I don’t know what I want”.
If your dream means deeply to you, you probably have weird feelings about it. Embarrassment, sadness, even panic or shame.
I’ve been with a client who turned bright red when finally - after half an hour of coaching - said that she dreamed of becoming an influencer.
“But isn’t it too shallow?”
“Isn’t it too crazy?”
“But I’m too young and inexperienced for it.”
“What will my parents think if I quit my job?”
Our mind doesn’t lack reasons why pursuing this dream is a bad idea, and why it’s possible for anyone else but us. (Otherwise, we would’ve done it already!)
Forget everyone else, if you cannot own it within yourself, your dream will stay forever just that: a dream.
Take out your pen and paper and write down your dream in vivid details.
Close your eyes. Imagine getting on a time machine 3 years in the future where your dream has come true. Open your eyes. What do you see?
“It’s early in the morning. I’m sitting by myself near the beach on a tropical island. I’m meditating and enjoying the morning wind. My house is just behind me. My partner is making breakfast for both of us. In a few hours, I will do an online webinar to share about my journey of overcoming depression and take care of my mental wellbeing…”
Let it flow. Spare no details. There’s no rules. No limitation.
After you’ve written everything down. Immerse in this vision every morning for at least 1 week. Let yourself feel it. Own it in your body first. This is your dream. It doesn’t matter what your mom, your friends or anyone else thinks.
Once you’ve done that, you can move onto step 2.
Forget everyone else, if you cannot own it within yourself, your dream will stay forever just that: a dream.
Step 2: Eagle Vision, Mouse Action
*Make sure you’ve done step 1. Otherwise, the following steps will be a lot more difficult.
I learned these concepts from my personal hero, author Martha Beck. To succeed at bringing your dream to reality, you need to have both Eagle Vision and Mouse Action. And learn how to alternate between these two modes.
To have Eagle Vision is to know the path you can take towards your dream from a bird’s eye view. Basically, it means to have a plan.
But I hate using the word “plan”, because you may jump onto a super detailed micro plan and get yourself overwhelmed.
You must be careful to not over-plan because plans change. Over-planning comes from a fear-based attempt to control the situation. Not to mention, it’s a perfect procrastination tactic.
Instead of asking yourself “What is my plan?”, ask yourself: “What are the key milestones I need to eventually achieve my dream?”
Have a rough sketch - I repeat, a rough sketch. The benefit of having a rough sketch is that it allows space for changes. And trust me, you will.
Over-planning comes from a fear-based attempt to control the situation.
Let say your dream is to become a writer and a coach so you can help others by doing what you love while living on a beach in Thailand.
Now, start brainstorming. The key milestones may be:
Ask your friends to introduce you to real-life coaches and ask about their experiences
Enroll in a coach training program
Hire a coach so you can experience the power of coaching for yourself
Tell people that you’re a coach and you’re accepting clients
Start coaching real people
Move from your current day job to fully coaching
Book a flight ticket and go
Put these milestones in a realistic timeline and there you have it, Eagle Vision.
Now it’s time for Mouse Action.
Because the mouse is so tiny, it can only see what’s right in front of its nose and take that one step. It also rolls in the dirt and gets its little hands dirty.
The mouse is not as fancy as the eagle. But when it comes to actualizing your dream, being a mouse is equally important, if not even more important than being an eagle.
Being a mouse is hard because now you need to actually do the work.
If your dream is to become a writer, you now need to actually write, and let other people read what you write. That is a scary, scary thing.
What is The One Thing you can do to realise your dream that will make all other tasks easier or unnecessary?
Write it down and do just that.
Make it small. Remember, you are a mouse, you can only swallow one tiny bite at a time.
Different from Eagle Vision, when you need only a rough sketch. With Mouse Vision, you must be hyper-specific. There’s nothing that attracts procrastination better than unclear action.
What exactly will you do?
When will you do it?
Where will you do it?
Don’t say: “Start learning more about coaching”.
Say: “Message Susan and Joan and ask them to introduce to any coaches they know. Right now, right here in this coffee shop.”
Go!
To believe is to Be-Live.
Step 3: Unload your mental baggage
How are you doing now?
Are you inspired, motivated, and sailing along with your mouse action?
Or are you scared, procrastinating, thinking: “I don’t think my milestones plan is good enough yet, I should spend some more time planning”!
If you’re in the second group (and high chances you are), that’s a sign that you have some mental baggage to unload.
They are the limiting beliefs that hold you back from taking action.
Limiting beliefs are unconscious, so we don’t know we have them. To lure them out, just ask yourself:
“Why is this dream impossible for me?” or “Why should I not do this?” And write down whatever comes up in your mind.
“I’m too young and inexperienced.”
“No one will want to get coached by a 26 year- old.”
“I can’t charge money for this.”
“The economy is down.”
“If I change career, I will lose everything I’ve built.”
“My mom will be disappointed. And I can’t let her down because I need to make her happy.”
“I’m not good enough.”
Keep going. Unload as much as you can.
After that, put the piece of paper away. Take a pause. Go out for a walk. Take a shower. Or even take a day away.
When you get back, take some calming breaths and look at the words on that piece of paper. You will likely find that even though they feel real to you, nothing in there is an absolute truth.
None of them are “The sun rises on the East and water boils at 100-degree celsius.” Even these are only truths on Earth. Fun fact: on Mars, water boils at minus 5-degree celsius.
What you wrote about yourself is not that piece of paper, it’s only the story that your mind tells.
To believe is to Be-Live.
You can choose to believe in and then be-living that story. Or let them go and write a different story. A truer, more empowering ones.
Step 4: Assemble your success team
I’ve written before about having a Success Team.
I repeat this every chance I get because this is one of the biggest mistakes I made on my journey.
The lone wolf is a myth.
We need help. Period.
Asking for help doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you’re smart.
Asking for help doesn’t mean giving up. It’s refusing to give up.
So I’m asking you now: Who do you want on your success team?
We’re not here by accident. We’re here because our souls want to evolve. And we do that through the messy magnificent journey we choose.
What now?
You have owned your dream.
You have an eagle vision and are taking mouse action. You’re learning how to dance between these two modes.
Using the information and feedback you get from taking mouse action to adjust your eagle vision. Using your eagle vision to define your mouse action, so you won’t be lost in doing for the sake of doing.
You’re mindful of your mental baggage and unload them as they come. (Trust me, they’ll keep coming.) You’ve assembled your success team and are getting their support to keep going even when it’s hard.
It’s time to enjoy the ride. “It’s about the journey, not the destination” is such a cliche. But it’s true.
I believe we come here to earth as spiritual beings having a human experience. We’re not here by accident. We’re here because our souls want to evolve. And we do that through the messy, magnificent journey we choose.
P.S: it’s time to write your dreams
Start owning your dreams by telling your beautiful stories to the world. Which is why I’ve designed this step-by-step guidebook on how to start a blog and not give up on it.
Download now to get started!
SHARING = LOVING
Hello,
MY NAME IS MILENA.
Writer, life purpose coach, personal brand & business mentor for new coaches - and most importantly: an unstoppable LightFinder dedicated to helping you shine.
“Milena has an arsenal of techniques which she deploys to help you overcome the challenges you're addressing each session, and guides you to listen to your soul to discover the truth yourself.”
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The biggest thing I learned after 7 years of blogging.