“I'm not a ‘writer.’ I'm not creative.”

“I can’t be an entrepreneur. I'm bad at numbers and money.”

Have you ever told yourself or others something like that?

I have, years ago.

Now, having published one book and launched multiple businesses, I’ve discovered that every statement above isn’t true.

I often say to my coaching clients: "Choose wisely the words you place after the phrase 'I am...'"

Because it can create an upwards cycle of success or a downward spiral of disempowerment.

Let me tell you more.

You may have already heard of the terms "fixed mindset" and "growth mindset", coined by the psychologist Carol Dweck in her book "Mindset: The New Psychology of Success"

I have known these for 10 years. And still, I find myself falling into the fixed mindset trap even til today.

Here's a refresher for you:

When we’re with a fixed mindset, we believe that intelligence is static.

We say:

"I'm born this way. Poor me. This is just me. Take it or leave it."

We’re afraid of taking on new challenges because we see struggle and failures as a reflection of our self-perceived lack of ability.

Thus, we stay in our comfort zone while feeling stuck and dissatisfied with our work, our life, and ourselves.

When we’re with a growth mindset, we believe that intelligence can be developed.

We say:

"I may not be good at it right now. But I can learn and will succeed if I get the right support, find the right strategy, and keep showing up."

We embrace new challenges and don't take failure - or success - personally. We see failures and successes for what they are: useful feedback to refine our effort.

We step out of our comfort zone to fulfill our potential. We feel liberated and alive.

In my personal experience, you can have a growth mindset in one area while being stuck in a fixed mindset in another area.

When I started out as a coach, I knew that the more I coach, the better I would become. I had a growth mindset in my coaching work.

But when I became a mother, every time my baby cried, I was triggered into a fixed mindset.

Holding my baby in the dark with tears on my face, I heard a voice inside my head saying: "I'm not cut out to be a mother. I can't do this."

Luckily, years of inner work helped me know that the voice wasn't true.

With the help of a coach and my life partner, I realized that the struggles I experienced were not proof that I wasn't cut out to be a mom.

They were growing pains, the signs that I was becoming a mother.

If you're struggling in any area of your life, that doesn't mean you aren't born for it.

Your struggles are helpful signposts to let you know that:

You're becoming stronger. The struggles are growing pains. Time to rest and heal. Remember: well-trained muscles without proper recovery become inflamed. Recover first. Then show up again.
Your strategy isn't working. Time to change your focus and the way you do it.
You lack support. Time to make better use of your resources and find the right support. Even superheroes don't do it alone (that's why we love Avengers so much!)

3 questions to shift from fixed mindset to growth mindset:

1. Where in your life are you struggling?

I'm struggling with my _________ (Example: Finance)_________

2. What are you telling yourself about these struggles?

Fill in the blank

These struggles mean __________(I'm bad at managing money.)__________

3. How can you shift this disempowering thought into a self-affirming statement?

Using empowering words such as I choose to. I'm learning to. I'm becoming. I can. I allow myself to find the right support.

__________(I'm learning to manage my money. I allow myself to get the right support to manage my money. I can find a better strategy to manage my money.)__________

Share your answer below. I'd love to read it.

Wherever you are, no matter the struggle, you are born for the journey of becoming.

I’m proud of you for walking the path and I’m right here cheering you on.