How to Find Mr. Right: A Guide for The Single & Modern Woman
Have you ever caught yourself thinking:
“Finding this Mr. Right is harder than finding Nemo!”
“Is there anyone out there for me?”
“Does ‘The Love of My Life’ exist?”
“I may just stay single forever to avoid the trouble.”
And did you see this viral meme shared by one of your female friends? (I did.)
This meme is hilarious, but it’s true. Prince Charming isn’t coming.
If you’re like me: a woman in her late 20s or early 30s, who has a modern mind, career-driven, and care about the impact she leaves on this world.
High chance is you’re:
- spending lots time and energy on your work and other pursuits
- not willing to settle with someone just for the heck of it
- feeling lost about how to build a great relationship (let alone a great marriage) - despite your mother’s daily reminder.
I can understand it because I lived that myself. In my early 20s, I was so fed up with having my heart broken by the wrong man, that I vowed to be forever single.
Now I’m married, and feeling like the most blessed woman on earth. Last Monday, I hugged my husband and whispered to him: “In this life, if I can love you and make you feel loved, my life has been worth living.”
I was surprised by what I said. It wasn’t my mouth, it was the mouth of my heart, honest and unguarded. Tears filled my eyes and love overcame me.
This divine intimacy and connection exist. I believe, with every bone in my body, that you can find the right person - the one who will build a lifelong, passionate relationship with you.
You just need to know how. Below are the three steps that'll help you.
Step 1: Have the right intention
“Why do I want to find a lover?”
“Why do I want to be in a relationship?”
Pause the article.
Take a moment to answer this question.
Be honest with yourself here. If you catch yourself answer “Because…
… I’m afraid of ending up alone and miserable.
… I feel empty. I need someone to fill me up.
… I feel unsafe/unworthy/unloved when I’m without a relationship.
… I feel incomplete and lonely.
… all of my friends are married.
… my mother is asking about it all the time!”
These answers signal two things:
- you’re coming to a relationship from a place of fear.
- you haven’t practiced the art of self-love.
If you don’t work on these 2, even when Prince Charming does come, you won’t be ready.
It takes effort to become the kind of lover who’s capable of building a lifelong passionate relationship.
So first learn self-love.
If I explain how to love yourself now, this article will be too long.
Try this: Read daily inspiration on self-love over at my Facebook timeline. This December, I plan to share a lot about this topic to help you end the year on a high note.
Want more soul-nourishing articles like this? Subscribe to my "Soul-snack Sunday" series here:
Step 2: Know what you want
We want to find Mr. Right. But when someone asks us to describe him, we have a tough time to answer.
If you don’t know what you want, the universe can’t bring that to you.
Take a piece of paper and a pen.
Describe your Mr. Right according to these five categories:
1. Appearance: Physical attraction matters, but its level can increase.
2. Interests: things that you hope he’s interested in too. Interest changes over time.
For me, it is: traveling, personal development, music, healthy living
3. Personality: how that person act. Personality changes throughout phases of life.
For me, it is: generous, sense of humor, open-minded, welcoming
4. Values / Belief: what are profoundly important for a person. It explains how a person act.
For me, it is: belief in equality in relationship, believe that with heart-work and hard work everything is possible, value personal freedom, lifelong learning.
5. Nature / Character: This is deeply rooted, shaped through their childhood and upbringing.
For me it is simple: kindness.
Write down anything that comes to your mind. Go with the flow. Be relaxed. Be free. No need to think over, trust your intuition instead.
Once you finish this exercise, you should have a clear vision of your Mr. Right. Now you’re ready to move on to step 3.
*Disclaimer: I once ordered a pair of customized shoes. I hand-picked everything: color, type of leather, shape, height of heels. The shoes-maker hand-measured my feet. When the shoes came, I didn’t like what I chose and didn’t wear it much.
You see, we often don’t know what we want. But we need to start somewhere.
Being with the wrong person helps you know what you don’t want. It’s important to face the fear of heartbreak and dare to experience love.
Step 3: Move
I mean literally, move. If you don’t change anything in your life, you’ll keep interacting with the same group of people. So do something to broaden your circle. Be brave.
Take up a dance class, a sports event (anything you enjoy), sign up for a volunteer organization, or a dating event. There is no shame in that.
Prince Charming isn’t coming if you don’t start looking. When you take actions, you open the door for the universe to guide him in.
Do this with lightness and non-attachment. Do this because you want to, not because you’re desperate. Remember step 1? You’re already complete; you don’t need anyone to fill you up. Even if you don’t find Mr. Right in your Salsa Dance class, it will still enrich your life.
There are single women in my Yoga Dance class that said “This class makes me feel sexy and free. It’s like I’m falling in love.”
True. They’re falling in love with themselves.
Think about it. Quite exquisite.
Now I want to hear from you: Have you found your Mr. Right yet? If yes, share your wisdom. If not, what are your plan of action to welcome him to your life? Reply in the comment below.
Sending you all the blessing you deserve (which is a lot, by the way)
P.S: Spread the light by sharing this article with a woman you love.