On Passion, Curiosity and Paying the Bills (Can You?)
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As I’m writing this, our world has just passed through what seems to be the cusp of a pandemic.
In many countries around the world - including Vietnam where I’m from and Malaysia where I’m living - schools are reopening. Many of us who have spent months in lockdown are now taking our first trip to the beach.
Like all things, the pandemic brought with it both sides of the coin.
Because we couldn’t get out the door to find escape, we were forced to take a closer look at our lives.
Among the ones I’ve spoken to: friends, loved ones, coaching clients, readers…, many became aware of their inner limitations. Many arrived at a humble acknowledgement of the existential angst they have felt for a long time.
They have started to question their path:
“Am I happy with what I’m doing?”
“What do I want to do with my life, really?”
“What is my ‘passion’? Do I even have one?”
These soul-seeking questions can keep you awake at night. But daring to explore them can open the door to a more vital life.
If you’re in your 20s or 30s with questions like these keeping you up at night, below are two nuggets of love that I can offer.
The more you try too hard to tunnel vision on the One Thing, the more you limit yourself from your endless abilities..
Instead of trying to find passion, follow curiosity
“Passion” makes a good story, so it is often portrayed in books or movies.
The protagonist knows her passion. It calls onto her like a burning flame. Thanks to her passion, she can cross mountains and rivers, beat l her opponents and rise to success.
We all sit around thinking: Wow, if I can just find my passion, all my problems will be solved. I will never feel afraid, lazy or doubt myself. If I know that One Thing, I will just DO it for the rest of my life.
This leads to a big problem: you’re afraid to commit yourself fully into anything unless you’re absolutely sure that it's the One Thing.
But the truth is: to know if anything is Your Thing, you need to first give it an honest try. Also, for many of us, myself included, we don’t have just One Thing, we have Many Things.
And unlike the Lord of the Ring, there’s no One Thing that rules them all.
My Many Things are: writing, coaching, yoga, teaching, painting, poetry.
The more you try too hard to tunnel vision on the One Thing, the more you limit yourself from your endless abilities.
Just because someone has found their One Thing, doesn’t mean you have to be the same.
“Passion” is a big loaded word.
I suggest you start with curiosity.
Don’t ask yourself: “What is my passion?” That alone can send you into a micro-crisis.
Ask yourself:
“What am I curious about?”
Ask yourself:
“What is something that if I get to do it would be pretty cool?”
Curiosity is a lot more gentle. It brings us back to our instinct. That’s how we as a baby learned about this world.
As you follow where your curiosity points to and give it an honest try.
Your ego-driven mind does not know anything about passion or curiosity. .But your gut and your heart know.
Create your own Curiosity Project - watercolor drawing, blog writing, interior design, contemporary dancing, hosting mini origami workshops, jewellery design, podcast making, baking… - whatever it is - pay close attention to your body, to how it feels while you’re doing it.
Do you feel excited? Do you feel a sense of flow? Do you feel alive? Do you enjoy it?
If it’s a no. Let it go. Congrats, you’ve discovered that it’s not for you!
If it’s a yes. Congrats, you’ve found something that makes you come alive!
If your mind (or any people) starts questioning you:
But are you any good at it? You’re too old, too inexperienced for it!
Isn’t this a bit self-indulgent?
Is this even useful?
Who do you think you are to pursue this?
Ignore them. Don’t let this incessant over-thinking mind make you second guess yourself.
Your ego-driven mind does not know anything about passion or curiosity.
But your gut and your heart know.
After the Curiosity Project, if you feel a call to follow through, follow.
That’s how I opened my yoga studio in early 2015. I followed my curiosity for yoga. I practiced regularly, then I wanted to read books, then I wanted to ask my yoga teacher questions, then I wanted to share yoga with others, then a yoga teacher training course, then a studio.
Throughout it all, I always felt a call to follow further. I didn’t do that out of willpower or discipline. I did that out of curiosity.
Curiosity, as I have learned, can be very similar to love. It draws you in, pulls you closer, pushes you further.
If you don’t feel a call to follow though, it’s okay too. Not all experiences are meant to stay.
More than a year ago, I took a charcoal portrait drawing class. It was a serious class. For one whole week, we were at the studio studying and drawing everyday for 5 hours each.
It didn’t make sense why, I just felt an immense curiosity for it.
Curiosity, as I have learned, can be very similar to love. It draws you in, pulls you closer, pushes you further.
After a few months of drawing, I remember one day knowing that it’s time to let it go.
Later, I realized that the point of that class was not the charcoal drawing itself but the seeing. To draw better is to see better. And to see better is to write better.
I needed that class to feed my passion for writing. While my logical brain couldn’t comprehend, my instinct knew better.
Your instinct knows better too.
Now I’m a coach. I’ve been making a comfortable living exclusively from coaching for 3 years now. I also write. Writing is one of my great loves. And I have a strong feeling that it’s here to stay.
Writing, even though doesn't directly pay the bills, helps me create useful content for my readers, many of whom become my coaching clients.
And my other Things like paintings, yoga and poetry are here for me. They make me happy. And that’s enough. The fact that your passion doesn’t make money doesn’t make it not worth pursuing.
Still, I’m not telling myself:
“Check this out. I’ve found my Things. I’m all set. Now I can just do it for the rest of my life.”
I’m open for new adventures, for changes and for uncertainty.
If 10 or 20 years from now I ended up being a documentary filmmaker, I’d also be down for that.
Success for me doesn’t mean to stick with one thing for the rest of your life.
Success means doing whatever it is that makes me feel alive, that is easing a pain in the world or bringing joy to someone.
Success means living a life feels rich. Too many of us live lives that look rich but feel poor.
Now that we’re talking about money. Let’s bring up the second nugget which is also the elephant in the room.
What if what you love doesn’t pay the bill?
Success means living a life feels rich. Too many of us live lives that look rich but feel poor.
How to do what you love and still pay the bills
Here’s what I’ve learned - the hard way - so far about money & doing what you love:
“Do what you love and money will follow” is a lie. Many of us love that lie. I loved that lie and I wished it was the truth. But it isn’t.
If you want to have your own thing (be free from the 9-to-5). Doing what you love alone is not enough. You also need to make sure others love what you do. Learn how to be an entrepreneur. Do what you love AND offer your people what they need.
You need to have a healthy relationship with money, heal your money wounds, transform limiting money beliefs, and know how to take good care of your money, how to save, spend, invest, etc.
If you’re unwilling to learn the above, here are the scenarios: You won’t have much money so you’ll need to make ends meet with less. Or you’ll need to have a day job to fund your passion. Or you’ll need financially-capable parents or a spouse to support you. Or you’ll need to partner up with someone and let them take care of the business side of things. Or you’ll need to seek out employment that pays you to do exactly what you love
There are many paths to making a living doing what you love, none is better than the other. They teach us different lessons. Sometimes we need to transition from one scenario to the next.
One of the most shameful things that I had to face was that I was financially dependent on my partner financially for half a year when I moved to a new country and started a new business from scratch.
Now I am no longer ashamed of it.
Now I know that the one who labeled it “weak” was my ego. Being dependent humbled me, taught me how to be vulnerable, how to accept help, how to rely on someone else while trusting that I had nothing to prove to be lovable.
So there you have it, two nuggets of love to feed your spirit, as you continue to steer your boat amidst the stormy sea we live in today.
What about you?
What have you learned in your own journey so far about finding passion and making a living doing what you love?
Is there any question you want me to answer?
Comment below to share your thoughts. And we’ll see each other soon in the next journal entry.
Meanwhile, remember: you’re a beautiful miracle, and you can truly shine your light.
Milena xo
P.S: On passion and purpose.
For many of us, doing what we enjoy isn’t completely fulfilling. We need to do what we feel deeply meaningful - this has to do with our life purpose.
On my discovery, I’ve found that purpose and passion are intertwined. Passion is one of the four elements of a life purpose. So why not expand your search?
Get started with this gorgeous 15-page Purpose-Finder Workbook that I’ve made available for free. Simply put your email to receive it in your inbox.