I was sitting at a cozy cafe just across from my condo. It was a rare Sunday afternoon - rare because I had an unplanned open space to do nothing particularly productive. 

I had just come back from a business trip abroad to do a launch event of a project I was leading. The launch event happened after many weeks of working without a proper pause. 

I felt satisfied with how things went. At the same time, I also felt exhausted. 

The cafe was hidden on the second floor of an old building with a large glass window that covers one entire wall, overlooking the green branches of a big khaya tree. Next to the window, the owner had installed two swing chairs, hanging from the ceiling. 

I sat on the swing for a while, sipping my cup of Lychee Rose tea. I noticed that even though my body was there, my mind was still in its frantic little race from one to-do to the next. 

I pulled out a book from my tote bag. The book is titled “Trying Not to Try: The Ancient Art of Effortlessness” that I borrowed from my friend Devina. 

For as long as I remember, I had had a problem with trying too hard. 

I no longer take pride in the grueling struggle. Now I choose the path of ease. 

There was a deep anxiety that ran just below the surface and the fear that I wasn’t good enough. To compensate for that, I tried hard to make sure things succeed, try to exert control over things that cannot be controlled like what others think of me. 

I’d been aware and have done the Inner Work to understand and allow the natural release of this tendency. 

I’ve made a lot of progress and at the same time, I’ve accepted that this will probably remain a work-in-progress for some time. You just can’t change a pattern that you’ve formed over decades overnight.

That’s why when I saw this book laying among a stack of books in Devina’s living room, I asked her to let me borrow it home. 

“Trying Not to Try” explores the ancient Chinese ideal of effortless yet accomplished living. Why the hard thing is not always the right thing. How allowing your true nature to flourish can be more potent than beating your lazy parts into submission. 

The whole idea of this book challenged the all-too-familiar “No pain, no gain” attitude, and what my mom told me when I was little:

“The only way to achieve is through hard work.” 

Even though the book explored complex, contrasting theories. It was surprisingly a pleasurable read.

After about an hour or more, when the waiter came to ask whether I’d like to refill my tea, I looked up and immediately noticed a sense of well being. It rose up within me like sweet water from a mountain spring. 

So different from the hot, tense, and rather contracted state I’d been feeling the weeks before.  

I noticed a gentle tuck in my body: “I want to write to my readers now.”

I had written to my email subscribers almost every week. But this time, the desire to write came up as a spontaneous impulse rather than out of a feeling of obligation. 

Pay attention to that gentle tuck in your heart, you will be called to create something

Together with this impulse, a question appeared in my mind:

“If this was very easy, how would it look like?” 

I stayed present with the question for a moment. Not trying to mentally wrestle with it. But letting it land in my inner space, waiting for an answer to come back.

This is how I’ve learned to engage my body. Slingerland also wrote in Trying Not to Try that “The conscious mind, ungrounded by the wisdom of the body, is remarkably incapable of taking care of business.”

Intuitively I opened my notebook and started writing longhand the entire email in one go. The words appeared clear, simple, and honest. I did it in 15 or 20 minutes but I lost awareness of time because I was in flow. 

This experience forever changed how I began to approach my work. 

I no longer take pride in the gruelling struggle. Now I choose the path of ease. 

This doesn’t mean that you’ll never do anything “hard”.

You’ll achieve the extraordinary more often (and have less chance of heart-disease) when you walk the journey in a state of ease.

Look at water, it overcomes hard things through softness. It can morph through all obstacles to arrive at its destination: the sea. And in its way, it is the water that shapes the rock, not the other way around. 

Most tasks could be a lot more simple than the ego - with its fear, insecurity, over-complication, perfectionism, and drama - make it become. 

We’ll achieve the extraordinary more often when you walk the journey in a state of ease.

So the next time when you feel like you notice that you’re trying too hard, when work and life feel more like a struggle than a flow, take a pause. 

Tap into the spring of wellbeing. Once you’re nourished, like a rosebud, you’ll naturally blossom. 

Pay attention to that gentle tuck in your heart, you will be called to create something. Whether it is to write a newsletter, or craft a business plan, or reinvent your entire career. 

Ask yourself:

“If this was very easy, how would it look like?” 

Soften your shoulders, step into the flow. You will be surprised how far it can carry you. 

Remember: you are a beautiful miracle, and you can truly shine your light. 

Milena xo

P.S: Finding ease and living your purpose 

When we talk about realizing our life purpose, we might think that it will require so much force, it will ask us to fight, to toil in some crazy hardship. (I’ve once worked with a client who was convinced that if she started pursuing her dream of being an entrepreneur, she would definitely end up being poor.)  

While the transition can be challenging because you’re required to face yourself, toiling in hardship is unnecessary and often not the case. 

Since your life purpose lies in the sweet spot where your passion, genius, calling, and value meet. Creating a purpose-driven career and life is deeply fulfilling and will eventually lead you to true success. 

To help to get started on your journey, I’ve created a gorgeous 15-page workbook to help you do just that: discover your unique purpose.

Download below!

SHARING = LOVING