3 Things The Modern Woman Needs to Thrive in Love and Relationship

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I have an obsession. 

It is to help women of my generation grow to their greatness. In the past one year, I spent a lot of time figuring out the answer to these questions:

  • “Why do so many women - beautiful and competent women- struggle in finding the right partner?” 
  • “Why do they go back and forth between being overly attached to a man and complete withdrawal from love?”
  • “What is holding them back from creating the relationship they desire? A relationship that offers not only a safe heaven but also the catalyst for them to thrive in all aspects of their life?” 
  • “What makes them able to put themselves in the forefront in their workplace, but still taking a backseat when it comes to relationship?”

When I look back to my own experience, I began to connect the dots to find the answer. 

Ever since I could remember, I craved the intimacy, the connection, the safety that comes from being a lover. But nobody taught me how to love. Funny, isn’t it? School doesn't teach us what we need the most. 

So I learned the hard way: through heartbreaks and tears. 

I started dating when I was 14. Had my first boyfriend when I was 16. I was in and out of many serious relationships and short-lived flings for years and years. I fall in and out of love. It hurt stronger with each fall. 

There were times when I thought I'd lost hope, I vowed to be single for the rest of my life. But there was something in me that refused to give up... 

It's unbelievable what life has in store for us. 5 years from that vow, I'm a newly wed. I'm married to Rapha, my Brazilian great love, the one I’d die and live for.

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In 4 years, we overcame the toughest challenge that a relationship has to offer: an inter-cultural, inter-continental, long distance relationship with 10,000 miles in between. (Did you know: the earth equator is 24,000 miles long?) 

I’d understood what it takes for a modern woman to find the right partner, fall in love, stay in love, create a long-lasting passionate relationship, and from that solid foundation, blossoms in all other aspects of her life. 

I have found the 3 qualities a modern woman needs to thrive in relationship. 

To be on a journey of self-mastery

This means to dare find the answer to the 3 existential questions: 

  • Who am I?
  • What do I want?
  • How do I serve? 

She doesn't stop at finding the answer. She also takes actions to be who she is, do what she wants, and serve the world in her own way.

Why is it so important? Dare to be who you are is the highest manifestation of self-love. And self-love open the door for a fulfilling relationship. 

To be self-entitled

This means to have an unapologetic attitude of “I deserve it.” 
The thriving woman doesn't waste her time wondering: “Am I good enough for this?” “Does true love really exist?”
Instead, her mantra is: “I deserve a wonderful, long lasting relationship. I deserve a man who will respect me, support my dreams, and love me unconditionally. I deserve to love and be loved.” 
And when she believe, she undoubtedly will. 

To be fearless

This means to embrace the fear of heartbreaks and the possibilities of having her heart broken. 
She knows heartbreaks in relationship is similar to failures in business. To be a great entrepreneur, you need to overcome the fear of failing. To be a great lover, you need to overcome the fear of heartbreak. 
She knows there is no shortcut to success, in business or in love. And the only shortcut to success may just be the failure itself. The failure teaches her the lesson she needs to learn to be the lover she can be and create the relationship she deserves. 
She knows that heartbreak is inevitable in this world. But she also believes in her ability to heal. And after healing, amidst all fears, choose to love again.  

Your turn: What do you think a modern woman needs to thrive in relationship? I'd love to see you contribute to our conversation. Leave your thoughts in the comment below!  

Love and Fearlessness, 
Milena

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SHARING = LOVING